The Talk
by MidnightTheAlchemist
Summary: When Edward goes in to give his report to Mustang, he also asks him a rather...unusual question. Parental!RoyEd if you squint. Rated M for safety. :X


**Midnight: Uh...I personally do not like this at all. I want to destroy it, actually. But I decided I'd have a go at this sort of thing. I couldn't see Edward just completely, outright mortified over the topic. Anyway, read and review, I guess. x.x**

* * *

><p>The rain coming down in Central did little to lighten the mood of the youngest state alchemist. Twelve year old Edward Elric walked down the long hallway leading to the break room, drenched from head to toe. As he entered the room to get a soda from the fridge, he noticed Breda and Havoc sitting at the table talking.<p>

"Man, you're so lucky! What I wouldn't do just to get laid! Just once!" Breda was saying, arms crossed over his chest.

Havoc shushed him after he noticed Edward's back to them. "Inappropriate topic, Heymans," he hissed quietly, "we'll talk after he leaves." Sadly for them, Edward had heard the conversation.

"Hm?" He turned to the both of them, popping the lid off of the bottle. He wasn't a child. There was no topic that came to mind that he couldn't handle. "I'm not a kid. What were you talking about?" He asked, taking a swig of the carbonated beverage.

The two men looked at each other, before Havoc looked back at him. "I finally got laid last night." The lieutenant smirked at him, trademark cigarette clamped between his teeth.

"Got laid..." Edward seemed to mull over the phrase, trying to fit a definition to the term. "Eh, I forgot. What does that mean again?" He asked.

"You know. Had sex?" Havoc explained.

"Never heard of it. What is it?" Edward replied.

Havoc blanched, growing a bit flustered at the fact that the kid had no idea.

"You have a report to give to colonel Mustang, right kid?" Breda asked, steering Edward off topic. "Why don't you ask him when you put in your report?" He added.

Edward seemed confused by their lack of desire to answer the question, but shrugged nonetheless. "I was fixin' to head down there anyway..." The blond grumped, chugging the rest of his soda and tossing the glass bottle in the trash. He then spun on his heel, trekking off for Mustang's office.

When he entered, Roy was sipping a mug of coffee, black eyes reading over the newspaper on his desk. He looked up as Edward set his report down, reaching for the folder and opening it. He read over it calmly, and Ed settled for rocking on his heels until the man was finished.

"Well Fullmetal, you managed to complete the assignment successfully. No mishaps, damage reports...have to say that I'm proud." By Roy's tone, Edward could tell the man was in a good mood. He hadn't teased him about his height yet, so this was good.

"Thank you, sir." Edward replied. "I was wondering if you would let me and my brother use the library next to the Cafeteria. I wasn't sure if we were allowed in there or not." The blond explained.

"Hn? Oh, yeah, you can. Go ahead. You just have to show them your pocket watch." Roy replied, before steepling his fingers. "Was that all you needed, Fullmetal?" He asked.

"Well, actually, I do have one more question." Edward replied, ceasing the rocking motion. "Earlier, I heard Lieutenant Havoc and Breda talking. And...well, I was just wondering, Colonel. What's sex?"

The question nearly made Roy spit his coffee out; he swallowed it, the liquid most likely going down the wrong tube as he coughed. "E-Ex_cuse _me?" He asked.

Edward instantly grew nervous at Roy's tone. "Well, they told me to ask you..." He said slowly, taking a cautious step back.

Roy sighed. Those two...Edward hadn't even been in the military for a week and he was already asking undesired questions. "Well Fullmetal, sex is...it's physical." He stated, not sure exactly how to word the explanation. "It comes from love. Like how your mother loved your father." He explained. Edward scowled at the mention of the old man's name, but nodded for Roy to continue.

"When a man and a woman want to express their love for each other, they usually want to show it in a way that's enjoyable for both of them. Do you understand?" Edward had a feeling that he wouldn't like where the conversation was going, but nodded.

"Alright. You have studied the physical biology of the human, right? Both male and female?" Roy asked. Edward nodded once. "Then you know what the vagina on a woman is, and what the penis on a man is." Roy confirmed. Edward nodded again. "Right. So..."

Roy lost his nerve. Edward frowned at him. "Well? What?" He asked, becoming a bit irritated. "Just spit it out already." He added.

Roy cleared his throat, starting to speak again. "Sex is the act where the man inserts his penis into the woman's vagina. It's usually done by the penis moving in and out of the vagina. Imagine a back and forth motion. This act is also how babies are created."

Edward paled at the explanation, half-wishing that he hadn't asked. "U-Um, um," The boy stammered, face heating up, "isn't it...painful?" He asked meekly. "I mean, the hole on the woman is so small..."

"In the beginning, it does hurt. But it stretches." Roy replied. "It's the hole a baby comes out of. It'd have to get pretty big to deliver it passed the head, Edward." He added.

Edward fidgeted, chewing on his lower lip. "I think..I think that's all I wanted to know." He really wished in that moment that he _hadn't _asked. He turned to leave, but was stopped by Roy again.

"I wouldn't worry about not knowing the whole story, Fullmetal. You certainly have room to _grow _before you ever do anything with a woman."

Edward left Roy's office, feeling both embarrassed and pissed off.


End file.
